How to Survive Boredom
by Lady Chitose
Summary: This is the ultimate Smasher guide to boredom...and pretty much everything else. From overindulging in cookies to terrorizing children to prank phone calls, you'll find some useless tips and possibly learn a lesson or two.
1. Never Eat Too Many Fudge Cookies

Well, my next Super Smash Brothers story is here. This does not mean I will give up on Know Your Smashers, I just figure I'd start this since it's close to completion. Basically, this is about the Smashers and their hobbies. At the end, the featured characters will give a word of advice or a comment. Try these if you dare…

Disclaimer: Nintendo's characters are not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Never Eat Too Many Fudge Cookies**

Nana and Peach were sitting on a couch, using thin paper plates to fan themselves. It was scorching outside, just putting a finger on the porch felt as if it could burn through your skin instantly. In Peach's feeble hand was the remote to the television. She desperately flipped through the channels, using every ounce of strength she could possibly muster.

"News, news, news, hey Barney…" she mumbled as Nana frantically searched through the pantry.

"Peach! Don't be THAT desperate for something to do." The little girl panted while beads of sweat rolled down her face. She gave up on the pantry and switched to the refrigerator.

"Oh fine, you're right," she sighed as she turned off the television. "How can you stand to wear that parka?"

"I can't, but I made a bet with Young Link, so I have to wear this for a week. If I do, then he has to dress up as the tooth fairy and go out like that for a whole day." Nana reached for a glass pitcher that was normally filled with lemon iced tea. She shook the pitcher up and down, hoping for even the tiniest drop to fall out. "Look's like Roy drank all the iced tea again…"

Peach scowled in disgust from the though of how much sweat that parka would absorb. "Wanna go to the store? We could pick up some food, since apparently yesterday was feeding time at the zoo, and we had plenty of food before then."

"Sure." Nana closed the refrigerator and followed the princess outside. Peach poked the doorknob to see if it would burn. Unfortunately, it did.

"OWWW!" she hollered in pain. I can't open the door. Nana, could you get that?"

Nana nodded and opened the door, allowing Peach and herself out before closing it.

_Good thing Nana is wearing mittens, otherwise that would have taken hours,_ Peach thought as she blew a strand of hair out of her face. She pulled out her smooth, chocolate brown leather wallet and checked to make sure she had enough cash for groceries. She did, but as she crossed an intersection, a driver had to slam his breaks and honk a couple of times. The princess looked up and noticed what had happened.

"How rude! Watch where you're going!" Peach shouted, even though she was the one who should have looked, due to the fact it was a green light.

"Stupid pedestrians…" uttered the driver before driving off.

Nana and Peach eventually survived as they crossed many intersections and streets. When they got to the store, poor little Nana looked like she would pass out from the heat and from exhaustion. Peach broke her fall.

"Come on, let's go." Nana caught her breath and used her mittens to soak up her sweat. After a few minutes, she followed Peach down aisles as they wandered aimlessly.

"Do you even know where we're going?" asked Nana as she tried to keep up.

"…No."

"Ah well…"

Then they came across the best aisle of the store…the candy and sugar confections aisle.

"Sweets, yay!" cheered Nana.

"Now now Nana-"

Before Peach could lecture her about the bad things of eating too many sweets, Nana had ripped open a box of chocolate fudge cookies. Her eyes lit up with joy as she slowly pulled a cookie out of its plastic wrapping. She ferociously shoved it in her pie hole and chopped, making damp crumbs fly in every direction.

"Nana, stop it! We haven't even paid for those," scolded Princess Peach.

Nana ordered, "Go get this scanned then." She handed her the bar code to go get it scanned. Peach sighed and marched off to the nearest cash register. Nana's eyes shifted back and forth to reassure no one was watching her, and then she stuffed three more cookies in her mouth.

Peach crossed her arms and impatiently tapped her foot. "I'm so bored!" she complained.

An old man who was in front of her turned around and leaned on his shiny wooden cane. "I'll entertain ya!" he stated in a raspy voice that made him sound like a cactus was caught in his throat. He pushed his large glasses with incredibly thick lenses closer to his face while he dug around in the pocket of his pants. After long enough, the old man fished out a thin stack of cards. Then again it might not have been considered a stack, since it had only three cards.

"Pick a card," instructed the man.

Peach shrugged and picked out a card anyway. It was the eight of spades.

"Now put it in here." He held out the cards, allowing Peach to stick hers between the two remaining ones. The old man 'shuffled' the cards and dragged out a card and showed it to the female. It was the three of hearts.

"Is this it?"

"No."

"YAY! Bingo, I win," yelled the old man, swaying his tan, wrinkly arms in the air.

"Huh?" queried the princess, raising an eyebrow.

"You owe me $2,000 Fred!"

Peach backed away in fright. Something was obviously wrong with him.

Suddenly the doors slid open and a male doctor in a sky blue jacket appeared. His russet eyes darted from one place to another.

"Has anyone seen an old dude? He escaped from the retirement home…for the fifth time in the past two days." He brushed his scarlet locks of hair out of his face.

"Try and catch me!" the old man challenged, waving his arms. The doctor dashed after him with ambition. Before he could stop him, the old man ran right through the glass window, leaving his silhouette in place. In the distance, he was heard singing joyfully, "Freeeeeeeeeedommmmm!"

The doctor sighed and went out after him.

Peach didn't know what to think about all of that, so she just paid and left the line to go see Nana.

Surprisingly, she didn't eat that many cookies.

"Why did you eat so few?"

"I was waiting for you. Want to have a cookie eating face-off?"

"No thanks, that would be quite unlady-like," Peach informed her politely.

"Chicken," murmured Nana with a smirk. She knew Peach long enough to know that insults would set her off.

"You're on!" Peach kneeled on the floor and began to cram her face with the scrumptious sweets.

"197, 198, 199, 200!" shouted Nana triumphantly.

"Same here," replied Peach.

It had been maybe an hour and a half or so, and their stomachs were completely stuff. Nana could have easily been mistaken for a giant wad of bubble gum, considering she was round, huge, and just the right shade of pink, both her face and her parka.

Both ended up falling over helplessly and rolling out the door and onto a sidewalk.

"…HELP!" they cried in unison.

* * *

**Entry 1: Peach and Nana**

**Peach**

I should have never accepted Nana's challenge, especially when I could have threatened to expose her locket with a picture of Young Link in it. I swear I will gain 10 pounds…Anyway, kids, never talk to strangers. Especially if it's an old guy who tries to entertain you. Those are usually the insane ones who have fled from their retirement home. And never accept stupid challenges, use blackmail to get your way out, if you can. If not, force them to watch little kids shows in a Happy Terror room with a straightjacket on.

**Nana**

I will never eat that many cookies again all at once. Hopefully I won't get cavities, my brother Popo says those hurt. Good thing Peach doesn't know about my locket with a picture of Young Link inside, otherwise she could have done something bad! At least she'll gain weight and get fatter…I've said too much…


	2. Adventures in Crossdressing

It's been a while, but I'm back with a new chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own the SSBM characters or Olay products.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Adventures in Cross-dressing**

Marth was ensconced in a tacky spinach armchair, scratching continuously at a rosy mosquito bite, which had grown to the size of a peanut. Attempting to distract himself from the mosquito bite, the swordsman stretched out lazily, causing part of his ripped T-shirt to tear. He ignored it, made himself comfortable, and dozed off into a blissful, undisturbed nap…

Two Minutes Later 

"Marth! Marth!" screeched a young boy dramatically.

The sound echoed throughout the Smasher mansion, which eventually caused a very beautiful, fragile vase that Zelda had spent $2,700 on to fall over quickly yet gracefully and smash to glistening smithereens.

Marth groaned and forced himself out of the chair. An obnoxious roar that seemed to erupt from Young Link's room interrupted his pleasurable fantasy of being the poster boy for perfect hair across the world. Oh joy.

He stopped up the stairs, muttering something about elves and grape juice as he tried to resist the temptation to scratch the swelling bite near his left elbow. He shamefully failed and began rubbing violently at the bite.

"Marth, you need to help me!" screamed the juvenile swordsman in a self-centered manner. "Peach just called. She confirmed that Nana wore the parka for a week."

Marth yawned and rubbed his armpits slothfully. "What's your point?"

"It means Nana won the bet! So I have to go out in public in a tooth fairy costume for an entire day!" The apprehensive elf gnawed away at a hangnail.

"Oh. Well, good luck with that." Marth headed towards the staircase.

"Wait! You have to help me."

"How?"

Young Link grinned mischievously at the naïve blue-haired swordsman. He stood up, grabbed Marth by the ear, and softly whispered his naughty idea.

"NO WAY AM I DOING THAT!" Marth shouted so loudly that the whole story of the mansion vibrated. Something in Captain Falcon's room may have crashed, but no one paid the least bit of attention.

"Come on, masquerading about in public donned as a woman could be fun! Besides, you already look like one."

Marth gritted through his teeth, "Why I oughta-"

Young Link interrupted him by holding out a single hand, allowing Marth's head to fall into it. It was similar to a steamed cabbage, except for the fact it was lighter due to the air taking up space in his head.

"And if you did, I'd owe you," Young Link whispered, his eyes twinkling with a mixture of whimsy and mischief.

Marth brushed Young Link's hand off of his face and took a moment to daydream.

_What was it that I had always wanted? _Marth pondered.

He closed his eyes and imagined himself spectacularly prancing into a tidy bathroom. He pulled out a sleek bottle of lotion and waved it elegantly at the camera, his gorgeous hair shining under the well-lit studio. He popped the cap open and squeezed some creamy white lotion into the palm of his hand and rubbed the lotion onto his peachy skin.

"Olay lotion," he intonated climatically. "Now available in Lily Delight!"

Marth rubbed his chin and grinned dreamily.

"So will you do it?" Young Link begged.

"Oh, fine," Marth said with a sigh.

"Good! I'll get the costume while you raid Peach and Zelda's rooms."

The prince decided to investigate Zelda's room first, since it was closest and he was being sluggish. He glanced around, and then closed the door for privacy in case Young Link was betraying him and planned to blackmail him.

A wooden dresser stood in the left corner. Marth inched nervously towards it and opened the top drawer, which happened to be filled with a rather strange collaboration of cheap lipsticks and eye shadows and designer blushes and mascaras.

He reached in and dug around until his hand met a smooth surface. Out of curiosity, he fished it out and sneaked a peek.

It was a disturbing picture of Link posing peculiarly, wearing nothing but a periwinkle bath towel wrapped loosely around his waist. His hair was somewhat damp and it looked like he had gained weight around his stomach. It must have been all those Twinkies he ate over the summer.

Marth twitched and wondered how Zelda could live with such a naughty picture in her makeup drawer, and why Link he let her do that in the first place. It certainly wasn't one of those off-guard pictures, since the elf boy looked like a cheesy statue that belonged in a trailer park.

"Marth, you better be almost ready!" ordered Young Link from outside before muttering something about his costume being itchy.

"Fine! I'll be out in five minutes!"

The childish swordsman pouted and stomped down the stairs. He sat down, his eyes scanning the room until he found the round ebony clock hanging up on the wall above the fireplace. He stared and stared and stared.

Finally, the minute hand turned. One minute had passed.

He stared and stared and stared some more. Eventually, the minute moved again. Two minutes.

He stared and stared and stared yet again. Oh what fun.

He stared and stared and then became bored due to his short attention span. After standing up impatiently, he crept over to the shining cookie jar. He pressed his index finger against the bottom of the lid and lifted the lid off…

Just before he had the chance to snatch a snicker doodle, Martha-err, Marth, came down the stairs in a plain violet dress from Zelda's closet. He had on a light coat of rosy blush, tabs off sky blue eye shadow, some scarlet lip-gloss, and just a little mascara, all courtesy of Peach's room. Zelda's picture scared poor Marth into using Peach's makeup. He pulled a petite glass bottle out of one of Jigglypuff's black leather purses and sprayed on a layer of a fancy French perfume that Samus had for some mysterious reason.

"Aww, you look so pretty!" Young Link gushed mockingly, holding his hands and batting his dumpy eyelashes daintily.

"Shut up so we can get this over this," snapped Marth, sliding his feet into some indigo high heels that were supposedly from Halloween a few years ago.

Young Link smirked and slid into his glittery fairy slippers.

The feminine duo headed out of the Smasher mansion and jogged as fast as they could in their uncomfortable shoes to 7 Eleven. Hopefully they would avoid any mockery.

How unlucky they were.

One person threw up their Italian pasta into a bush, eight people pointed and laughed, three laughed so hard that they wet their pants, and one girl whistled, causing Marth to sassily pose.

"I love girly men!" squealed the girl.

"But what if they're really girls?" asked her friend.

"Erm…"

Despite the nearly intolerable comments made by random passersby, Young Link and Marth survived the half a block trip to 7 Eleven.

Nervously, Young Link grabbed the door handle and stepped in. He coaxed Marth to join him, but he tried to escape. Young Link moaned in frustration and pulled in the male by his cape.

"Oh the humanity!" the swordsman screamed immaturely, flailing like a fish out of water.

Young Link rolled his eyes and dragged Marth to the candy section. He eyed the sweets thoughtfully and grabbed three bags of candy that had an assortment of different kinds of candy.

"If you don't want anything, I'll just go pay for this," the fairy costume-donning boy explained flatly to Marth.

He eagerly scurried over to the candy section and grabbed a tin of cookies. After that, he somehow came across a mini bottle of hairspray.

"Ooh, jackpot!" he yelped excitedly. He then ran over with Young Link to the cash register.

"Are you ladies ready to pay?" the fat cashier asked, scratching his bald head while stuffing his face with a Big Mac.

Marth began, "But we-"

Young Link interrupted him by shoving his elbow into his stomach. "Yes, we are."

The cashier nodded while chewing sloppily as he scanned each item.

"Don't embarrass us more than we already have been," Young Link snapped quietly.

"Are you two cross-dressers by chance?" the man questioned.

Marth and Young Link stared blankly, unsure if the man was insulting them or simply creating conversation.

"Uh, uh, uh…" Marth stuttered.

"We gotta go, bye!" Young Link replied, grabbing the bags without paying and running out with Marth.

"Hey!" the man screamed as he picked up a broom and waved it about as he chased them.

"Way to go genius," panted Marth as he dashed beside Young Link.

"I know it wasn't smart, but that was so humiliating! I couldn't think straight."

"Neither could I…"

Marth caught a glimpse of the cashier behind him and panicked.

"Young Link, what do we do now?"

"Err…This way!" he told him, pointing towards a nearby street. Both of them turned right and kept going until them found a small bush. Marth grabbed Young Link by one of his glittery pink fair wings and yanked him into it.

"Where are those cross-dressing hoodlums?" the enraged cashier hollered, holding the broom so tightly it was about to snap.

Suddenly, much to the two swordsmen's relief, an old, wrinkly woman driving a minivan pulled out of her driveway will she was busy chatting on her cell phone. She was too distracted to notice the man, and since the man was almost blinded by rage, she drove into him and knocked him out cold.

"The road must be bumpy today," the woman muttered to herself, not knowing that she had just killed the man but at the same time had saved Marth and Young Link.

"It's a miracle!" the two shouted in unison after coming out of the bush for a victory dance.

Just then, a teenage boy walked out of his house. He was humming some cheesy love song and was too preoccupied by it to notice our two beloved swordsmen standing on his lawn. He carelessly turned on the sprinkler, which soaked Young Link and Marth.

Marth slowly flipped his hair out of his face and squeezed out the excess water.

"Well, at least now we have a reason to go home and change," Young Link pointed out.

"Good idea."

Both of them walked down the street, the sun looking as if it was going to set soon. The two of them left wet footprints that gradually dried due to the sun's light. The silence was getting rather awkward…

"Let's never speak of this again, okay?" Marth pleaded.

"Why would I even want to?"

* * *

**Entry 2: Young Link and Marth **

**Young Link**

…That was the most horrible thing ever. I'm never making a bet with Nana again. Next time you have nothing to do and think about doing your part of a deal or bet, play violent video games instead. I don't know how she can stand that awful costume. It's uncomfortable and ugly, and who wants that?

**Marth**

…Dude, Young Link owes me BIG TIME for this one. I got unwanted attention, and I had to wear Zelda's tight dress. It had a stain in the back, and I really don't want to know how it got there. I think I might be getting an allergic reaction to the makeup, because now I'm sneezing constantly and my eyes are watering. As I was walking back to the Mansion, I could have sworn I saw a hobo checking me out…I really hope I'm wrong.

* * *

Now that's done…I deserve a cookie… 

I'll probably finish Know Your Smashers before updating again. Luckily, it's almost done.

Now go do something useful, like helping out hobos. They must be desperate to be looking at Marth.


	3. Of Children and Carnivals

This story has been moving along slowly, but considering the completion of Know Your Smashers, it should be updated at least a little more frequently. Here you go. And I don't own an Anklyosaurus named Peppy, Yoshizilla does.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Of Children and Carnivals**

Ness and Yoshi playfully ran along the grassy lawn, tagging each other with their own abilities and the occasion tropical fruit. It kept them busy for quite awhile, until, of course, they grew bored. What a surprise!

"So…now what…do you…want to do?" Ness asked in between pants. He sat on a patch of soft grass and rubbed the sweat from his forehead.

"Yoshi!" the dinosaur replied cheerily.

"Huh?"

"Yoshi!"

"What does that mean?"

"Yoshi!"

Ness pulled out his baseball bat out of frustration and was about to hit him mercilessly. His eyes glowed in the sunlight with rage.

"Sorry, I was on 'Yoshi!' mode," he explained.

"You have different modes for speaking?" Ness questioned with a puzzled face. It made him wonder how he even triggered the different modes. He then decided he was better off not knowing.

"Anyway, I hear there's this carnival a few blocks away," Yoshi continued, fetching a soda can from the little red cooler that was parked by the window of the bathroom on the first floor. "We could go there and pull pranks on clueless kids."

"That's brilliant!" Ness exclaimed with enthusiasm as he jumped. "Will we need anything?"

"Well, you could bring a few cans of soda, and maybe some of Link's 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner from the salon."

"That elf-man…" the boy muttered before dashing up the stairs to the Hylian's bedroom.

Yoshi, in the meantime, pondered how such a hair product would affect the psychic boy's hair. It was probably a mess, considering the fact he always wore a hat, even to bed. Not that he knew, or anything.

By the time that thought was finished, Ness was back with an armful of shampoo and conditioner bottles and a variety of soda cans.

"I didn't know which one to grab, so I took all I could carry," clarified Ness, his round face framed by the fancy bottles.

"Whatever, get a trash bag and we'll go."

Ness pouted under his breath, feeling like Yoshi's slave. Of course, Yoshi didn't care.

He did as he was told and tied the ends of the trash bag into a knot and flung it over his shoulder. Smiling, he hopped on Yoshi's back.

"Giddy up, horsey!"

"What in the world are you doing?" Yoshi snapped.

"Well, I had to get the supplies while you sat here and got to be lazy, so you're taking me on your back!"

Yoshi mumbled to himself, but decided to do it anyway so Ness would stop kicking. He jogged and fast as he could, doing his best to keep Ness on his back, especially at turns. Eventually, both of them could see the carnival and some people on the Ferris wheel. This activated ideas in both of them.

Yoshi whipped out a phone from some place, probably his shoe, and used his extensive tongue to push a button, causing speed dial. He impatiently hummed while waiting for his friend to pick up.

"Who are you calling?" Ness asked out of nosiness.

"Shush!" Yoshi then began chatting on the phone with a good friend of his, whose name seemed to be Peppy the Anklyosaurus. After awhile, he hung up and stored the phone in a shoe.

"Okay, NOW will you tell me?" the boy whined as he fiddled with his stringy raven hair.

"No."

"Darn it!"

"Finally, we're here," Yoshi announced as Ness got off of the dinosaur's back.

"It's about time," Yoshi said with a mischievous smile. He and Ness got into a huddle and discussed what to do and how to do it.

"Excellent," Ness said in a sinister voice, much like Monty Burns'.

So the duo sneaked behind the merry-go-round first. Yoshi posed as one of the ponies, and Ness rode his back with fake yet believable excitement. Yoshi began singing in a soft voice until the ride stopped.

"WOW!" Ness screamed as he jumped off the ride. "That green dinosaur is the bestest one to ride! It sings!"

Several children believed Ness and pushed and shoved each other just to get on it. A redheaded girl turned out victorious due to her freakishly tall figure. She clapped with joy as the bored ride operator pressed some buttons, thus beginning the merry-go-round.

Yoshi began singing, so in return the girl clapped. After only seconds, Yoshi turned around and bit the girl's hand. Along with her height came a very high voice, which she proved she had by letting out a piercing yell.

Yoshi immediately evacuated the merry-go-round. His head darted from side to side, back in forth; just to make sure they weren't in trouble.

"Well, onto the next task," Ness said with a shrug. This time they tiptoed over by the cotton candy stand. And got close to the window, but not quite in view of the person running it.

"It's time for your break!" Ness called out arbitrarily in a deep voice.

"Like, okay!" she squealed before skipping out of the back door in her high heels. Apparently she was inexperienced with high heels, and ended up tripping.

"Like, oh my gosh!" the girl wailed. "I like, broke a nail! And that manicure, like, cost me a fortune!"

Ness and Yoshi rolled their eyes and slid into the booth. After fishing through a pile of year-old cotton candy bags, Yoshi found a bag of light yellow cotton candy.

"Perfect timing, here comes a midget," Ness whispered.

The little boy stepped on a wooden stool beneath the window that was there for short people like him.

"Can I have a bag of cotton candy?" The little boy asked, his aqua eyes shining with desire.

Although this was cute in a way, Ness followed their plan. "Yes, we made a fresh, big bag, and it's all yours."

"Really?"

"Yes, and it's made of pure dog urine."

The boy's facial expression went from exhilaration to confusion. "Huh? What's that?"

Ness and Yoshi giggled at the boy's lack of knowledge.

A person overheard and walked up to the boy. She whispered in his ear, causing his once-confused expression to change into horror.

"EWW!" He shouted at them, yanked back his money from the counter. "I'm telling on you people!"

"Time to run!" snapped Yoshi from behind Ness. They both scurried out, of course, after snatching some samples and stuffing them down Ness' pants.

At this time, Yoshi's good friend Peppy the Anklyosaurus found the two. The yellow creature had a rather sturdy figure with four legs and the snout of a reptile.

"Hi guys!" he shouted as he slowly approached them. He paused and eyed Ness' pants. "Did you not make it to the bathroom or something?"

"No, cotton candy. Anyway, do you have the Silly String?" Yoshi queried.

"So why did you make me bring all this stuff again?" Ness complained, becoming weary from carrying the bag.

"'Cause I thought it would be funny."

"You're mean!"

"Quiet you two, let's complete our mission!" Peppy fished around in a bag and pulled out three bottles, one blue, one yellow, and one hot pink.

"I'll take blue, Peppy has yellow, and Mr. Whiny here will take hot pink," Yoshi said, taking command.

"Aww, but Yoshi-"

Peppy covered Ness' mouth with his snout. Yoshi sighed in relief and thanked him.

That's when the now-trio ate the cotton candy while running about crazily, spraying anyone and everyone with Silly String. There were screams, insults, and for some reason, complaints and stale popcorn and politics.

"We're number one!" yelled Yoshi.

"You all stink!" Ness added.

"Like cat litter and linguini sauce on Tuesday morning!" Peppy finished, earning him stares from the others.

"Well, it does smell bad…"

Eventually, enough people complained, and two guys with important-looking uniforms stomped up to Yoshi, Ness, and Peppy, stopping their parade.

"I'm sorry, but we must ask you two to leave," one guard said.

"NEVER!" Yoshi shrieked as he and Peppy and Ness attempted to escape.

That must have been the sorriest escape attempt in history, as two police cars were already there. The three were locked up and shoved into the back.

So much for fun at the carnival.

* * *

**Entry 3: Ness and Yoshi**

**Ness**

Well, Yoshi's too bossy, so I know not to follow him again. And he made me carry Link's hair products and soda cans for no reason! Now my arms hurt! Hmm, maybe I should test out these hair products. I have bad hair, that's why I wear a hat.

**Yoshi**

Ness is a whiny baby. Perhaps boredom got the best of me, but it happens to everyone, right? I hope nothing serious would happen at the police station. I mean really, I didn't do anything THAT bad. I didn't kill anyone, just having good-natured fun…Right?

* * *

There you go! Next chapter will come sooner, so look out for that. Also, it's been a year since I made my FanFiction account. w00t. 


	4. Pranks Calls of Evil

Disclaimer: All fan characters belong to their owners. And just for you, Pokemon has been translated to English. OH JOY!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Pranks Calls of Evil**

Fox sighed as he tapped his fingers impatiently on the desk as he awaited the delivery of a pizza. It had been about twenty minutes since he'd called for a medium pizza for lunch, and there was no sign of a delivery boy. And if there was, Fox surely would have known, considering what happened the last time…

**Flashback time!**

A new pizza joint opened blocks away from the Smasher Mansion. Fox leafed hungrily through a phonebook and noticed the number. Nearly covered with drool, he punched the buttons on the phone eagerly. Two rings occurred, and luckily an employee answered. Otherwise he would he bitten the phone, and according to Luigi, that was very unsatisfying.

_Fox anxiously demanded that a large cheese pizza be delivered to the Smash Mansion. The employee seemed rather puzzled at this._

"_Um, sir, where is this Smasher Mansion he speak of?" the pizza place alum asked in an obnoxious nasally voice._

"…_You seriously don't know about the Smasher Mansion?" replied Fox incredulously, forcing his hand away from his sloppy mouth._

"_No sir, evidently I don't."_

"_IT'S A BIG, WHITE MANSION WHERE US SMASHERS LIVE, DUH! EVER PLAYED A GOOD VIDEO GAME OR DID YOU STICK TO YOUR PUNY EDUCATIONAL GAMES! HUH PUNK?"_

"_Well, if you must know-"_

"_Aww, Tony, not the stupid ol' childhood educational game story!" whined another employee before nearly tripping into a pool of tomato sauce._

"_Oh, here it is. It will be there or be square!" finished the dorky boy with a snort._

_Fox sighed and hung up the phone. His eyes gazed over to his gloved hand. Longing for food, he examined it, imagining it as a juicy pear. His mouth inched towards his hand, but thankfully the ring of the doorbell snapped him out of his daze._

"_Your pizza, sir!" announced the employee from the phone proudly, despite the fact his red-orange hair was greasier than the actual pizza and his glasses were crooked from all the zits on his nose._

_Fox peered into the cardboard box before touching it, and then used one finger to lift up the lid. He noticed that one piece was missing a piece of cheese near the end. His eyes glowed with rage._

"_Uh, sir?"_

_Fox dashed inside and grabbed an old wooden baseball bat, which most likely belonged to Ness and rabidly chased the boy. After letting out a piercing scream, the boy dropped the pizza like it was hot (no, it really was) and spent about half an hour running away from the insane fox. However, he escaped when he threatened to send Fox to the mental institute. Fox gave up because he at least wanted to be at the mansion for the season finale of his favorite sappy romance soap opera._

While Fox was in the middle of reliving his strange memory, Jigglypuff waltzed down the stairs, humming her famous song.

"Fox, is that you?" she asked.

"Oh, hi Jigglypuff," answered Fox. Being with four other Pokemon, Fox quickly learned the language of these creatures (after dozens of lessons from Mewtwo, but that's another story).

"Can I sing for you?" the puffball mumbled innocently.

"No, sorry Jigglypuff," Fox replied, remembering the last time he heard her song. From what he recalled, he awoke with a bunch of butterflies tattooed on his face. It took nearly three weeks just for them to fade.

"Aww…" and with that, the disheartened Pokemon walked away sluggishly.

"But, I have an idea."

"Really?"

"We can make random calls to people so they can hear your singing! And it doesn't matter where that person lives, because Link and Mewtwo are paying the phone bill this month!"

Jigglypuff's sad expression was quickly replaced by happiness. She immediately sat herself in a chair that Marth had stained with his latte. Fox dragged out a heavy phonebook and flipped through it, marking random pages with sticky notes. Three pages were marked, so Fox went back to the first one. After speedy dialing, the phone rang.

A redneck, which was at the other end, had a fixated glare on a microwave oven. After long hours of hearing the audio book 'How To activate Your Microwave Oven for Idiotic Rednecks' and trying to process the information, he finally realized that the number that appeared to be an ear of corn was actually the number one. He was trying to figure out which number was two when the phone blared, causing loss of focus.

"Good gravy, who be that!" screamed the startled redneck, jumping and grabbing the phone. He unknowingly pressed the talk button and heard a voice come out of the top of the phone.

"Hello?" came Fox's voice. The redneck's bottom lip trembled from this. Even though he didn't know who was talking to him, he answered anyway.

"W-w-who is this?" stuttered the redneck, desperately desiring to fetch his emergency axe from his closet. Of course, being a redneck, he was unaware of the fact you couldn't hurt someone with axes over the phone.

"This is, um," Fox had to think rapidly if he wanted to fool random people over the phone, but evidently thinking wasn't his strong suit. "The government! Surrender now!"

"NO NOT THEM PIG TAKIN' PERSONS!" yelled the redneck in distress, remembering the time someone came and stole his precious stuffed pig named Elsie. The redneck even wrote a rap to express his utter sorrow, and now planned on sharing it with Fox. How fortunate for Fox indeed!

"Hey wanna hear me rap about me pig?" asked the redneck excitedly.

"Well,"

"GREAT!

My pigs be dirty when they roll around in mud

Just like a barbecued-charcoal-covered spud

But it don't matter cuz I doesn't care

And if you do I'll steal your underwear!

Pigs be like teapots, short and stout

Just like that purple-haired psychotic Girl Scout

And that was made illegal by Forrest Gump

I'm over here chillin' with my gangsta Donald Trump!

YO!"

Fox froze with a combination of fear and confusion, resulting in him slowly hanging up the phone. And that concluded Fox's first, and hopefully last, conversation with a redneck/gangster.

Fox massaged his aching head firmly with his fingertips, leaving Jigglypuff to call the next victim.

The cameraman was watching his favorite home shopping channel and eating a mega-size jar of cucumber-flavored pickles when the phone rang.

"Hello?" asked the cameraman.

At this time, Fox took over and promised Jigglypuff that this time she'd get to sing.

"Yes, this is the bank. You owe us 10.5 million dollars."

The cameraman sprung up from the couch like a frozen waffle fresh from the toaster. "Oh my gosh!" he panicked. "Is this because I bought those plug-in candles?"

"Plug-in candles?" the fox repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah, you know how people sometimes use candles for light in blackouts? I figured if there's ever a blackout around here, I could just plug in my candles and get light. It's genius!" the cameraman crooned in a somewhat girlish voice.

"Sir, where exactly do you get such ridiculous products?" Fox was doing his best to not totally squash the cameraman's fun.

"TRN."

"And what would that stand for?"

"Oh, let's see…that would be Total Rip-off Network."

"I see. Well, we'll need to recollect your information, starting with your name." Despite the fact he detested his irritating stupidity, Fox (and just about every other Smasher) longed to know the cameraman's name.

"Oh, okay. My name is-BEEP!"

"I'm sorry sir, what was that?"

"Uh, I'll have to call you back," the cameraman said anxiously. "That was my call waiting, and TRN is on the other line. I think it's about my solar-powered flashlight!" The cameraman hung up after a childish cry.

"I WANNA SING!" Jigglypuff pouted loudly.

"Oh fine, make the next call," Fox replied, annoyed.

Jigglypuff used her oval-shaped hand to punch the number keys while keeping her perfectly round eyes on the phone number. She tapped her other hand on the desk as the phone rang.

Dr. Hoshi sighed and answered the phone. "Yes, it is I…DR HOSHI! What do you want?"

"What?" the Pokemon replied innocently.

"Are you another one of those telemarketers?" Dr. Hoshi started to sound suspicious and paranoid. "I AM NOT BUYING YOUR USED TOILET BRUSHES AGAIN!"

"What? I AM a Jigglypuff."

"Don't give me that fake Pokemon bologna!"

"THAT'S IT! FEAR MY ALMIGHTY SONG!"

"What! Is that a threat! I'm calling my lawyer and pressing charges! Trust me, I know Yoshi, I'll find you, whoever-"

Unfortunately for him, Dr. Hoshi was cut off and put to sleep by the tender song. He snoring loudly into the phone, causing Jigglypuff to grin evilly. She then ran to the door and took a toolbox with her.

"Jigglypuff? Where are you going?" Fox asked rather cautiously in fear of being harmed.

Without a word, she escaped and scurried off. Only she knew what would happen next…maybe.

* * *

**Entry 4: Fox and Jigglypuff **

**Fox**

Um, yeah, I seriously think Jigglypuff is a serial killer in disguise. That redneck was cool, somehow, and the cameraman wouldn't know about common sense if it came up to him wit a big neon sign. As for that Hoshi dude, I just don't know. I' m hungry; I think I'll go harass another pizza delivery boy.

**Jigglypuff**

No one seems to appreciate good music any more…like Vanilla Ice…More importantly me! I am SO going to find that Dr. Hoshi. I will get revenge. And I'm no serial killer…or am I?

* * *

Wow, who knew rednecks created such meaningful raps?

Seriously, that is like, the best thing since sliced bread.

Oh yeah, read. Review. Bring me some pie.


	5. More Grocery Store Madness

**Chapter 5: More Grocery Store Madness**

Yet another day at the Smash Mansion had arrived, and, as usual, not much was happening. Link's body was lazily draped on the couch as he gazed at the television. He panted and fanned himself with his viridian cap and noticed something about his hair.

"Oh great, my hair's sweaty!" Link moaned as he rubbed his scalp with his fingertips. If there was one thing that could rush him to the bathroom, it was his hair being imperfect.

Meanwhile, Mario was trying out a new recipe for a pizza. He had just about all of the ingredients, but then he noticed one thing was missing: sausage.

"Mamma mia!" he shouted.

At the same time, Link rushed down the stairs even faster than he went up. "HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE OUT OF SHAMPOO!"

"I'll go-a with you to the store-a. I need to pick up my sausage."

"Fair enough," Link mumbled. "You have money?"

"Who-a needs money when you can-a get free samples when guards aren't watching?" Mario asked.

"Excellent point," Link agreed, unsheathing his sword. "To the store to sneak free samples!"

And so our famous heroes ran and ran and ran and stopped at a hot dog cart, then ran some more, and finally arrived at a grocery store, which happened to be the same one that Peach and Nana had invaded. Poor grocery store and its employees.

"I'll be in the Hair Care aisle," Link said to Mario.

"Okay-a." And with that, the petite, plump plumber ran in search of sausage.

In the meantime, Link strolled down to find his beloved shampoo. It seemed there were only those cheap store brands, which Link despised greatly. Suddenly, a gleaming bottle caught his eye. It was just what he was looking for, plus it had the name of Link's hair guru printed in black letters: John Frieda.

"THANK HEAVENS THERE IS AGOD!" the Hylian declared.

He glanced at the price, causing his eager eyes to almost pop out of his head. "I can't afford that!"

Suddenly, much to Link's convenience, he produced an idea. Not a very smart one, but how was a desperate Hylian with a hair problem supposed to know?

His eyes shifted from side to side rapidly as he snatched the cap off of his shiny blonde head. With the bottle over his head, he squeezed it, forcing the shampoo to cascade out and form a miniature puddle. Then he massaged the shampoo through his golden locks and sighed dreamily at the fresh smell.

Mario, at the time, was using a tried-and-true technique to distract butchers in the deli section.

"Hey-a, is that-a the President?" Mario asked, frantically hoping for the butcher to go away so he could sneak some sausage.

"He was here a week ago," grunted the butcher as he chopped a hunk of ham.

"Santa Claus?"

"Whenever Christmas last was."

"Easter Bunny?"

"Whenever last Easter was."

"Jessica Simpson?"

"Whenever she lasted needed Chicken of the Sea for a video, which may or may not have been tuna."

"Pee Wee Herman?" Mario sighed, his ideas being shattered one by one.

The butcher abruptly dropped his knife next to the ham slices. "WHEREISHEWHEREISHEWHEREISHE!" he shrieked. "That guy is my idol!"

Without another word, not counting the childlike screams and laughs, the butcher began racing around the store in search of Pee Wee Herman. While it cause grief for other shoppers, Mario was psyched and dived behind the case of deli delights. He picked out sausages and stuffed them in his hat and shoes for the pizza later while pigging out on ham samples simultaneously.

Back down in the hair care aisle, Link was rubbing the shampoo on his scalp in bliss. And considering how long this bliss has lasted, it's time some it was interrupted. By an employee obnoxiously dedicated to his job so he can get out of his parents' house's garage, to be exact.

At first, the employee blankly stared in disbelief. He thought the senior citizens testing mouthwash, denture adhesives, and such other oral care items was strange. This, however, redefined the word "strange"

"Sir, ma'am whatever gender you are, what in the world are you doing?"

Link turned around slowly, his eyes widening in horror. Never in his seemingly endless state of paradise did he imagine this. "Um…um…"

"I'm waiting for an explanation, sir."

"Well, you see, those kids from the Trix commercial cut off my water supply. They were getting revenge for that time I gave the rabbit some Trix. Anyway, I was totally out of shampoo, so I figured I'd wash my hair here!"

The employee heaved a sigh of aggravation. "Sir, I'll have to take you to my office and rinse your hair out."

"Good. Any longer and my beautiful hair will permanently become a ball of soap."

Mario, coincidentally, was being dragged to an office, as the grocery store owner had caught him just as he was about to resort to stuffing more sausage in his pants. Mario waddled behind in shame.

The grocery store workers directed Mario and Link to two chairs in front of a desk, which had fashion magazines, shaving cream, and other miscellaneous junk scattered upon it. The plumber sat down while Link got his hair rinsed at a rather moldy sink. Mario would have attempted to nibble some sausage, but the storeowner glared at him with bulging eyes to prevent any efforts of escaping. He sank in his seat.

Link gently squeezed out the excess water and asked the employee, " Could I at least blow dry my hair?"

"No," he replied, automatically dismissing his request.

"Aww."

All four were in their seats, across from each other. The storeowner speedily shuffled through torn newspapers and pulled out a crisp copy. He revealed the picture to Mario and Link.

"Now, do you two recognize this place?" he asked, pointing to the large cover photograph of an insane asylum.

Before Mario could even open his mouth to object, Link enthusiastically answered with a hearty "Yes!"

"That's all I needed to hear." With that, the storeowner dialed a number and mumbled something about finding the culprits and coming to take them.

Before Mario could come up with a reasonable argument, two people in fanciful jackets barged into the office. They grabbed Link and Mario and dragged them into a van without saying a word.

And that was the last anyone had seen of our two bizarre shoppers that day.

* * *

**Entry 5: Link and Mario**

**Link **

Don't make me do this right now…All I wanted was to wash my hair, and now I'm stuck in a white van with some plumber that reeks worse than Wario's underwear and spoiled eggs combined…Must start therapist search…

**Mario**

Mamma mia! This meat sure-a does go-a bad easily! I'll have to steal Luigi's imported sausage…And take a shower…A really long one…

That has to be the strangest chapter yet. 

I'm very sorry…


	6. Frying Pans are for Frying

All Pokemon language has once again been translated to English.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Frying Pans are for Frying**

The reverberation of pots and pans colliding boomed through the mansion one brisk morning. This only meant one, er, two things: Pichu was searching for an appropriate pot for his "daily ritual" or Link and his caffeinated band were practicing. It turned out to be Pichu.

Kirby moaned and wrapped himself in his Snuggle-fresh flannel blanket in an attempt to drift back into a comfortable sleep. Of course, this didn't work, but at least Kirby smelled as sweet as a freshly picked bouquet of lilacs and violets with just the right splash of vanilla. He waddled down the stairs, hoping to drown out the noise with his own yawning.

"Pichu, do you always have to cause such a ruckus in the morning?" Kirby whined as he yanked open the refrigerator to fetch breakfast.

"Of course, so get used to it," Pichu replied as he continued to noisily go through cabinets of pots and pans.

The puffball scowled and bitterly sipped some orange juice. A frying pan slid across the floor behind Pichu, though he didn't notice. Kirby was debating on whether to warn him or not.

Before he decided, Pichu stepped backwards and tripped into the black frying pan. It swiftly glided across the kitchen floor like a graceful ice skater on a rink. The helpless Pokemon released an ear-splitting squeal, causing Kirby pleasure and discomfort at the same time.

Eventually, the pan came to a screeching halt. Pichu rapidly inhaled and exhaled until his breathing returned to normal. After cleaning the sweat from his forehead, Pichu declared, "That…was AWESOME!"

Kirby stared blankly for a long moment. This wasn't quite the response he was expecting.

"You know what Kirby?" the Pokemon shouted enthusiastically.

"What, Pichu?" Kirby said monotonously, hoping he wasn't involved with whatever he was planning.

"We should SO take some of these frying pans to the hill around the block with some butter." Pichu grinned from ear to ear.

Awkward silence for a brief moment.

"The butter can be used to grease the bottom of the frying pans so we can sled down the hill with them," Pichu continued, as if reading Kirby's mind.

"Do I HAVE to come with you?" Kirby moaned as he daydreamed of going back to his soft bed and dreaming of salsa dancing with the Snuggle bear.

"Of course you do!" Pichu squeaked. "Unless…you…don't like me…" Tears welled up in Pichu's beady black eyes. Not even Kirby could resist that.

"Fine then."

"Yes!" Pichu dashed to the refrigerator and grabbed a huge tub of butter as Kirby fetched a wagon to carry the items in. After setting down the butter, he collected a couple of frying pans from a cabinet. Pichu panted and sat atop the butter container as Kirby yanked the wagon out the door.

Each step on the sizzling sidewalk felt was agony to Kirby. He was like a helpless shrimp on a giant barbecue. Pichu was actually being smart and using one of the frying pans as a source of shade and handed the other to Kirby to do the same.

"It's too hot outside. Can't we go back to the mansion and blast the air conditioners in our faces?" Kirby whimpered.

"Oh, quit your whining, Sir Hot Flash. It isn't that bad. Besides we're nearly there." Pichu pointed to the verdant hill ahead of them.

The wagon's wheels slowly stopped. Kirby and Pichu dipped their tiny hands into the butter and smothered it onto the bottoms of the frying pans. Kirby licked the remaining butter delightfully until his hands were clean. His Pokemon partner stared in disbelief.

"Why on Earth did you do that?" questioned Pichu, his tiny nose crinkling.

"Gee, maybe if you had given me time to eat my breakfast, I wouldn't be so desperate!" Kirby spat in frustration.

"Never mind that. Let's go!" Pichu clutched Kirby's hand forcefully, despite it was wet from saliva. They ran to the top of the hill and inhaled. After sitting down cautiously in their pans, they sledded down speedily.

"That…was…EVEN MORE AWESOME!" Pichu shouted, bouncing up and down in excitement. "What a rush!"

Kirby even managed to crack a smile. He too found it to be invigorating, with the wind blowing the sweat out of his face and a trail of oil highlighting the grass. They exchanged glances, greased the frying pans, and repeated several times.

"This is even better than sledding on snow!" gushed Pichu. "And you don't need any thick, itchy clothing!"

"Totally!" the once-grumpy Kirby agreed, wriggling energetically in his pan. "I could do this all day!"

Pichu frowned. "Or until we run out of butter." He revealed a half-filled tub of butter.

"Perhaps both or us can fit on one pan. We'll use less butter that way," Kirby pointed out.

"Great idea!" Pichu decided. He used as little butter as possible this time as he applied the layer of butter to the pan.

Once again, they sprinted to the hilltop with the frying pan in Kirby's hand. The puffball sat down first since he was bigger, and Pichu sat behind him, gripping his back for safety.

"Ready?" Kirby asked. Pichu nodded with a grin.

Kirby lightly pushed back on the hill as the fry pan slid down, its speed increasing every second. Somehow it began going too fast, and Pichu became scared. He shut his eyes tightly a while his grasp on Kirby grew harder.

"PIIIIIIIIIICHUUUUUUU!" the yellow Pokemon screamed deafeningly, releasing a whitish blue shock, affecting both himself and Kirby as a result.

Pichu fearfully opened his eyes gradually once the pan stopped. He gasped once he noticed that the once-pink Kirby has fried into a deep brown.

"K-K-Kirby?" Pichu stuttered, gently poking his lifeless body.

Kirby barely moved. Pichu shivered and tried his hardest to pick up the pan and transfer Kirby's body to the wagon so he could push him to the hospital. Given how little strength he had, this was nearly impossible. Pichu scurried off to find some help. Or run away from the situation and let it solve itself. Whichever.

* * *

**Entry 6: Kirby and Pichu **

**Kirby**

That stupid little bad excuse for a Pokemon…Thanks to him, I'm in the freaking emergency room, and now I have to eat this disgusting sauce-like substance. I going to kill him once I'm well again. Of course, since I'm roasted and the food is doing nothing but giving me nausea, that will be for a while. Lucky for him.

**Pichu**

I'm in SO much trouble…in the mean time, I'll dance to music videos all night long with my pots and pans like I used to! I'll celebrate my well being while I can!


	7. Don't Play with Fire

After a short hiatus to focus on other fanfics, I'm back to continuing my SSB stories. I'm not sure when this will end as I just update when ideas come to me. My other stories should receive more frequent updates. Not that any of you care.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Don't Play With Fire**

**--- **

Roy sat at the dining room table, his back hunched over while his head was a few mere inches away from the light in his hand. For goodness knows how long, the swordsman had been sitting there, ignited the flame and blowing it out. Every few seconds he giggled childishly and considerably loudly, much to the chagrin of everyone else in the mansion. Only Roy could be amused by such simplicity for such a long period of time, that was for sure. And of course all god things come to an end, and alas Roy's lighter ran out of fuel. With much frustration Roy miserably attempted to force the least bit of spark from the lighter, but failed and chucked the lighter against the wall with an aggravated groan. Now what was he supposed to do for fun? Go outside in a tutu and prance along the grassy fields while singing a duet of "I Feel Pretty" with Captain Falcon? As appealing as that may have sounded, Roy just slugged over to the nearest piece of furniture and sat down. He decided he'd bug whoever he next saw into acting as an entertainment device for him for the rest of the day.

Moments later, Mewtwo hovered down the stairs with a book floating in front of him. He seemed quite preoccupied with it judging by the quizzical look painted on his face, but of course Roy was too blinded by his boredom to notice. He could have noticed if it wasn't for that, but that's debatable. In any case, Roy crawled up to Mewtwo's legs and rose up until their eyes met. Roy's eyes burned with a flame of mischeif while Mewtwo's were frozen and serious. Roy stared until Mewtwo finally asked, "What do you want?"

"Ohhhhh, nothing," Roy replied sheepishly with a grin. "Just someone to have fun with because I'm very, very bored." His grin faded into a pouty frown as he took hold of Mewtwo's leg. "Please play with me!" he begged, knowing his facial expressions had no effect whatsoever on Mewtwo.

"Do you have any idea how childish you sound?" Mewtwo sneered harshly before returning to his book. He figured Roy wasn't worth paying attention to, despite the fact the swordsman still clung to the Pokemon's leg. Roy was silent for a few minutes as if waiting for Mewtwo to say something else. Mewtwo merely ignored Roy's presence altogether. That is, until he sporadically shrieked, "PLEEEEEASE! I BEG OF YOU!"

Mewtwo twitched as he was rather sensitive to such noise. Finally, deep down knowing the redhead wouldn't accept no for an answer, he said, "I don't know why I should help you, but for the sake of not becoming deaf, I will entertain you." Upon hearing this, Roy's eyes lit up and he squealed. He profusely thanked the Pokemon while excitedly jumping in place.

"Not to mention you owe me for giving Bowser his sponge bath when you were ill," Roy mentioned, waving his finger victoriously.

"Touche," Mewtwo sighed and rubbed his temples. It was going to be a long day. A very long day. "What first?"

A goofy grin was slapped on Roy's face. "Go set stuff on fire outside!"

Mewtwo stared at him incredulously. "No way. Just no."

"But you said you'd entertain me!"

"Fine. But if someone ends up suing us, you're the one going to court."

"Fair enough," Roy agreed. Suddenly he dashed around the building hurriedly, gathering random junk in a trash bag until it was full and lumpy. He motioned for Mewtwo to follow him onto the front lawn. The sunlight was extremely bright, leading Mewtwo to believe he could possibly lose all five senses in one day. He shuddered at the thought.

The fiery swordsman turned to his partner eagerly while unsheathing his sword. "Okay, this is how it works: You make the things float with your mind ability thingy, and I swing my beautiful sword and watch the item turn into ashes. Got it?"

"Yes Captain," Mewtwo replied dryly. He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall to avoid the sunlight. At least this wouldn't be physically demanding, even if he does ending up losing some brain cells. With closed eyes, Mewtwo telekintetically dug out an empty shampoo bottle from the trash bag. Roy positioned himself in front of the floating bottle and yelled, "FIRE!" before hitting it fiercely with his sword. The item instantly burst into flames and fell to the ground as a pile of ashes. Roy cheered and started doing some form of a victory dance. Mewtwo peeked open out of curiosity, but regretted doing so and shut his eyes again. This pattern continued for goodness knows how long until Roy ended up hitting one of the items too hard. A burning case of makeup soared through the air and hit the house across the street. Roy's jaw dropped and he began cursing under his breath. He began squealing with anxiety and running hysterically in a circle. Nervously he hurried over to Mewtwo, who had fallen asleep and tapped him rapidly on the shoulder until he woke up.

"What do you-" Mewtwo groaned, rubbing his eyes until he saw a burning house. Like Roy's reaction, his jaw dropped. "ROY YOU BONEHEAD YOU DID-"

"Can you lecture me later and just help me put out the fire?" Roy whined. "I'll go call the fire department and you can go get the fire extinguisher." The duo then ran inside to do their assigned tasks.

Mewtwo didn't have much luck finding the fire extinguisher, to say the least. He looked in every nook and cranny until he finally found it in a cramped corner in the kitchen. Much to his dismay, there was a note taped to the extinguisher. It read: "Used all of this to put out the fire Peach started after trying to cook. Go get another one, I'm too broke to buy another one. Mario."

"And just when I thought this couldn't get worse," Mewtwo muttered to himself. "Roy better not be fooling around..."

Meanwhile upstairs, Roy was desperately trying to contact the fire department. For some reason he kept getting an answering machine with a grumpy old lady's voice recorded on it. That is, until he finally realized he had dialed the wrong number. He was at least thankful Mewtwo hadn't been there to see that. After leafing through the phone book, he found the correct number and frantically dialed. A voice answered the phone, but before Roy had the chance to speak, the power went out. Talk about a lucky day.

Roy ran down the stairs screaming until he bumped into Mewtwo outside. "Please tell me you put out the fire," Roy pleaded.

"I would have...if Mario had replaced the empty fire extinguisher," Mewtwo hissed bitterly. "And seeing how you took forever to find the correct phone number and the power happened to go out, we're pretty much doomed."

How Mewtwo had figured out the last part scared Roy a little, but he didn't have time to worry about that. The house was still burning, and worse yet, there seemed to be a trio of people screeching a downright awful rendition of "We Didn't Start the Fire". Whether or not that was a coincidence. the world may never know.

However, the duo's luck started to turn around when rain came flooding down and set out the fire within minutes. Roy and Mewtwo were relieved...until they saw a car pull up to the house. When the driver exited the car, she let out a scream before fainting and falling onto the wet driveway.

"Well...Look on the bright side, at least the fire's out!" Roy pointed out while grinning nervously at Mewtwo.

"Yes," Mewtwo said under his breath, "But we'll probably get sued, meaning you'll be in court within the next few weeks. Not to mention you owe me many more sponge baths for Bowser for engaging me in your stupid activities."

"Awww, man!" Roy whined and he stomped on the slippery grass. He threw a fit for a moment until he realized the rain was ruining his hair and went inside. He was not looking forward to the sponge baths he was going to have to give.

---

**Entry 6: Roy and Mewtwo**

**Roy**

Well, looks like my pyromania got the better of me. But oh well, that happens, right? ...Come on, don't tell me you haven't set your neighbor's house on fire and have to give sponge baths to repay for it. Anyway, kids, if you're for some reason reading this junk, first, don't do this at home. I mean it. Secondly, go get a book. For all our sakes.

**Mewtwo**

That is the last time I trust one of those swordsmen. All they want to do is have fun and be stupid and give their hair pet names. If anything good came out of this, it's that I may not have to give Bowser sponge baths any more. Because I'm just that sure Roy will enjoy doing it.

* * *

No one was hurt in the making of this chapter. I don't think so anyway. 

If you actually made it through the entire chapter without skipping down to the notes then I salute you.

And if your name is tikitikirevenge, ADD ME TO YOUR FAVORITE AUTHORS LIST. What kind of husband are you, really?

Thank you for reading, if you really did read.


End file.
